| Thank you for attending today's meeting. |
- You're welcome. But, it's a mandatory meeting, You could fire me if I didn't show up. |
| I'm sure you all know Tracy, the Director of Security. Tracy has a few words to say about security concerns during spring break. So here's Tracy. Let's all give him the respect he deserves. |
- Does that mean we can leave now?
- Did anyone bring any rotten tomatoes? |
| Thank you. As you all probably know, I am Tracy, the Director of Security. Today I want to say a few words about security concerns during spring break. |
- Oh Lordy, I'm bored already.
- Give ME a break.
- Will somebody wake me when this is over? |
| As you all know, this time of year is called spring break. This is when colleges have a break in their schedule. College students will soon be visiting our property to vacation and enjoy our warm climate and sunshine. Much of their vacation time will be spent in or near the swimming pool areas. |
- Absolutely fascinating. The man is a fountain of knowledge. |
| Especially during this time of year, we have to pay particularly close attention to topless and/or nude sunbathers. |
- You bet!
- Oh, I always pay close attention to topless and nude sunbathers! |
| Well, what I mean is that if you encounter a topless or nude sunbather. You are exposing yourself |
-Exposing yourself ?
- Ha! |
| . . . to the liability of beating called a stalker or a voyeur or a 'Peeping Tom' or a gawker or a sexual predator. While very difficult to prove, just being accused of something sexual is |
- I'll bet nobody has ever accused Tracy of being something sexual. |
. . . something we all want to avoid. So, if you need to enter a swimming pool enclosure, whether it's to make a repair or check the water chemistry or to empty the garbage, you should always check your surroundings first to see if there are any nude or topless sunbathers in the area.
If you see any, your best defense is simply to not enter the pool area. We recommend that you postpone or reschedule your task to another time, when the topless or nude sunbather is no longer present in the pool area.
If you see a topless or nude sunbather, you should immediately leave the pool area and call the Security Dispatch Center. That is extension 147. You can feel safe knowing that your Security Department has worked very hard to pre-plan an appropriate incident response for topless or nude sunbathers. |
- I feel safe knowing my Security Department will protect me from naked college students.
- Yes, I'll certainly sleep better.
- God Bless you, Security Department. |
| I have a recently completed a seminar on this subject. So I want to assure you all that I know how to handle a naked woman. |
- Yikes! They have seminars for that?
- Hey Tracy, how did you SCORE on the final exam? |
| This year, I am proud to say we are calling our incident response 'Operation TNT'. 'TNT' stands for 'Topless / Nude Tactics". |
- TNT Ha! It should be T&A !
- TNT. Yet another bomb by Tracy. |
| So if you see a topless or nude sunbather simply call Security and let us handle it. |
- Handle what? |
| We will take it from there. |
- Then, where will you put it? |
Thank you.
Are there any questions?
Yes, John. |
- Tracy, I would like to volunteer to become a member of Operation TNT. I would like to become a first responder. How can I get some hands-on training? |
Thanks, John but we already have enough manpower for Operation TNT.
Next question?
Carlos. |
- I have a question. It's about this liability exposure issue that you brought up. If, as you say, we see a topless or nude sunbather and we call Security, wouldn't that mean the Security Guard is exposing himself? |
That's a very good question, and it shows you have been paying attention. Remember operation TNT is for your protection. I've trained my men to handle topless and nude sunbathers without exposing themselves unnecessarily.
Next question?
Greg. |
- I'm not sure I know what a topless or nude sunbather looks like. I don't think I would recognize one if I saw one. Do you have any photos that we all could study so that we could positively identify a topless or nude sunbather?
- Hey! Good point! Tracy should buy us some magazines so we can study this issue in detail! |
I think, if you have any doubt, just call Security and we will determine if the sunbather is, indeed, nude or topless.
Next question?
Carlos again. |
- Wouldn't it just make more sense to leave the pool area, and just let the sunbathers have their privacy? Isn't Operation TNT just a ploy designed to be sure you don't miss any action? |
No more questions?
No? OK.
The bottom line is this: if you see somebody naked, we want you to call us.
OK. That was Tracy, the Director of Security, with a few words about security concerns during spring break. |
- (Applause) Way to go Tracy! |
| Thank you for attending today's meeting. |
- What the heck was that all about?
- Tracy is just inventing security issues to justify his job. He spent a thousand bucks of the company's money to go to a seminar and now he needs to show it was a worthwhile expense.
- Have you ever seen anyone go topless around here? Ever?
- Yah, once about three years ago, a 'blue hair' about 90. Had wrinkles on her wrinkles. Not a pretty sight. Like a giant bald Shar-Pei. Sometimes I wake up in a cold sweat, remembering it.
- See? Now, Thanks to Tracy, you wouldn't have to endure that sight. You could just call Security and THEY would have the nightmares.
- Ah Yes: Operation TNT. Top-Notch Tracy. Tracy Needs Titillation. |
I think the meeting went well. Don't you?
Oh yes. Very well indeed! |
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