Dr-Fix-It! Notebook Archive:
The Golfers Named Xavier Quentin Z . . .
There is a water hazard on the left side of the First Fairway of the East Golf Course. About 100 yards out from the tee boxes is a pretty little man-made lake with two waterfalls and an aerating fountain.
The falls are driven by four 10 HP low-head, high volume irrigation pumps. The fountain is driven by a 2HP deep well pump mounted on a float. Periodic maintenance includes cleaning the filters, greasing the bearings, and a general checkup of the pump house environment. It is important work but not exactly what one would call intellectually stimulating so I have invented an amusing pastime I call 'Xavier Quentin Z'.
Before heading out to perform periodic maintenance on the water hazard on Number One East, I stop by the Driving Range Shack and dig through some of the ball buckets until I find a really nice golf ball. Something clean and reasonably new with a good brand name like Titleist, Pinnacle, Maxfli or Calloway. Then I use a Magic Marker to inscribe the initials 'XQZ' on the ball.
My theory is that there are probably very few people having a name with the initials 'XQZ' or else, would personally identify with the string 'XQZ' and use that as a mark on their own golf balls. Even if they are playing a Titleist, Pinnacle, Maxfli or Calloway, the initials 'XQZ' would prove it is NOT their own golf ball.
OK, OK ; this is the sort of person I am . . . to make my pastime as scientific as possible, I checked the membership roster to see if there was anyone who is a member of the club who has the initials 'XQZ'. Naturally, I counted exactly zero members with such initials. But, the possibility still exists for guests of the membership who are playing the golf course to have the initials 'XQZ'. Perhaps somebody named Xavier Quentin Last - Initial - Z could be playing today. And, of course, there is always the possibility that someone could personally identify with the string 'XQZ' - having nothing to do with name or the initials. So, without getting totally anal about the whole thing, I am OK with the assumption that marking a golf ball with the initials 'XQZ' would eliminate - shall we say? - 99.99 percent of all golfers .
So, When I arrive to perform the periodic maintenance on the water hazard on Number One East., I look both ways to be sure the coast is clear then inconspicuously toss the marked ball onto the fairway. Then, I unload my tools and go about my business; always watching my 'XQZ' ball.
Tee times are spaced seven minutes apart so foursomes pass the pump station on the water hazard on Number One East at the approximate rate of 32 golfers per hour. So far, I have yet to complete the 30 minute periodic maintenance in the pump station before I hear "OH, Here it is! . . . Yes, This is My Ball". I look up to see a golfer inspecting the ball, nodding in recognition of the special markings on it.
I am amazed at how many guests of the membership are named Xavier Quentin Last - Initial - Z !
It simply defies the odds!