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Dr-Fix-It! Notebook Archive:
Sometimes, It Just Fries Me.
Maybe it is time to sue all of the lawyers.

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Sometimes, It Just Fries Me . . .

          Leave it to the Lawyers . . .  Oh, Don't let the latest terrorist threat bother you.   Never mind that some very extremist nations have recently developed atomic weapons.   Instead, the legal community wants to focus attention on the latest threat to our health and safety:

. . . French Fries.

           California is suing nine fast food chains and potato chip manufactures because French Fries and Potato Chips may cause cancer. A recent research study has shown a link between fried potatoes and certain cancers.

           I imagine this data came from another one of those research studies where they find subjects who ate nothing but fast food French Fries for umpteen years and then  (surprise !) got sick. I presume that a normal person who eats French Fries or Potato Chips occasionally would probably not experience any elevated health risk. I am certain none of that will matter.  I am positive I will soon see warning labels printed on those little cardboard funnels that fast food restaurants use to serve their French Fries.

           I fear it is only a matter of time before some savvy lawyer realizes that preschool children can't read those warning labels and sues for $millions on their (ahem) behalf. And the retail price of these foods will rise to cover the costs of litigation. We will all pay the cost - again.

           Well, two can play this game! I'll do a research study of my own! Don't worry.This one won't cost you a penny. I'll do in a few minutes with the help of a trust search engine. I don't need $millions of Federal Research grants to draw this conclusion.

           OK, here we go . . .

           First, emotional stress has been clinically linked to various cancers both as a cause and as a contributing factor.  (Footnotes 1, 2, 3).

           Second, reading about class-action lawsuits and lawsuit abuse causes me emotional stress from my frustration and anger.

           Third, since these class-action lawsuits and other abuses of the legal system happen frequently and news of them is commonplace, my stress level due to them is constantly elevated.

           Therefore it follows:  Because of the continued elevated stress levels that lawsuit abuse causes me, I am being exposed to increased risk of cancer.

           And therefore, I am a victim of class-action lawsuits and lawsuit abuse and am entitled to compensation.   $$$$$ !

           Oh Boy!   What a huge lawsuit this can be!   A class-action on behalf of every person in the world against all of the trial lawyers.   A monster lawsuit!

          By comparison, it makes the French Fry Lawsuit look like small pototoes.



1.    Levy S., et al., Correlation of stress factors with sustained depression of natural killer cell activity and predicted prognosis in patients with breast cancer, Journal of Clinical Oncology, 1987; 5(3): 348-353
2.    Ramirez AJ, et al., Stress and relapse of breast cancer, British Medical Journal, 1989; 298: 291-293.
3.    Fan RL, Zheng SH, and Wu ZS, Study on the relationship between lung cancer at preclinic stage and psycho-social factors: a case control study, Chinese Journal of Blood Diseases 1997; 18(5): 289-292.

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